...Is it bad to have a crush on your pastor?
For the sake of explanation, it's more of a "Hey, I respect you. You know what you're talking about." It's not a weird crush. I'm not gonna start stalking him or anything! ...
All of this introduces today's post:
"How to Stalk Your Pastor" By: Real Life Experience
1) Memorize the Bible. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU GUYS WILL EVER HAVE A CONVERSATION.
2) Park as near to his car as you possibly can during each of the four services you attend throughout the weekend.
3) Sit in one of the first five rows. Because of the stage lights, those are the only ones he can really see. (TIP: Flowers/hair accessories are guaranteed to make you stand out from the other pastor-crushers")
4) Email him about something he's interested in, like: "Dear Pastor, I'm really interested in Christian Apologetics. Which books would you recommend? Thank you!". Don't email him back when he sends you the book list. This secretly gives you the upper hand in your relationship.
5) When he makes mention of his wife in the sermon, smile and nod. You are allowed to be jealous of her, but he wont feel like you're a threat to his marriage. He'll even consider having Godly conversations with you later because of your obvious maturity.
6) Go to church by yourself. He'll pity you and because Pastors are so kind-hearted, he'll secretly want to befriend you.
7) Lastly, if you ever EVER EVER see him somewhere outside of church-NOTE THE DAY AND TIME. Pastors have the tendency to live lives of routine.
Love Always,
ARANDA
*Pastor, if you read this I promise I'm not a creeper! Someday we'll look back on this and laugh.
No comments:
Post a Comment