Fanny (Pack) Necessities. By Alivia E.

It’s the blog post we’ve all been waiting for.  FINALLY!

YOUR FANNY (Pack) NECESSITIES:

By: Alivia E.

[** Disclaimer: This list is not for the FANNY PACKING FAINT OF HEART! This is for those legitimate Fanny Pack Die-Hards that see every moment they step outside their front door as an adventure into the wilderness... no matter where you may be. From storming streets of L.A. to the raging river beds of Alaska this fanny should hold just about everything you may need.]

Wheeere’s the chapstick?! Yes. The first essential item for you to slip into your handy dandy fanny is CHAPSTICK. I’m talking legitimate lip moisturizer. No one likes the distraction of dry, chapped lips during an adventure.

Your hopes and dreams: Yes. Where else would you keep them?

Wallet: CVS card, Blockbuster Card, Ralph’s card, Starbucks Card, ATM card, Credit Card, Debit Card, APU id card, your momma’s picture, a picture of your dog Tucker that your mom sent to you, a tuft of your grandma’s hair, and cash. What more do you need?

Cellular Device/ Back up Battery/ or Legitimate Radio AKA Legit Walkie Talkie: Yes. You sure did go out into the big outdoors/adventuring in order to get away from people. BUT. Turn off your phone/walkie talkie and keep it with you in case of dire circumstances (e.g. You’re hott love interest texts you or a bear is chasing you). If you’re only taking a stroll, just keep that C.D. on and ready.

Rape Whistle: HELLO? Do I need to even explain this one?

Water Bottle: Water is THE most essential nutrient. Please drink up. "water is the essence of wetness, wetness is the essence of beauty" -Zoolander. You can only last about 6 days without water.

Compass: It looks cool. You seem smart/legit.

Swiss Army Knife: Because my grandma would scold you if you didn’t have it when she needed to cut some bailing twine... plus you can open a can of beans with it..... plus you may need to whittle yourself a spoon... plus you may need to carve your name into some place you conquered (Aranda recommends carving your, and your love interests initials inside a heart)... plus you might be able to pick the lock to your parent’s shed with it... plus if you forgot your rape whistle it could be handy... plus... they look cool and you seem legit.

Tampon: Um awkward. Not that card board crap!... and yes MEN you TOO! Seen “She’s the Man” anyone?  

Lotion: Dry skin leads to decreased skin integrity which leads to possible skin lacerations which leads to increased risk for infection. Don’t make me go all nurse on you.

Pepper Spray: Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Protect yourself.

Ipod: Have a throw back while you kick down. (Aranda recommends a Walkman with extra batteries.  Who doesn’t love listening to the same CD over and over again?)  Chillax to some tunes or Punch dance your RAGE out with a sickie beat.

Sharpie: Mark your trail. Mark your conquered territory. Draw some pictures on the sidewalk. Draw arrows to confuse other’s along your path- in doing so asserting your dominance. Vandalize some signs. JK that’s illegal.

Mini First Aid Kit: You or a bystander are likely to sustain some sort of injury during your adventure. Be the hero for yourself or another and pull out that life-saving kit!

Bobby pins/Hair ties: I’m pretty sure someone asks me for one of these every single stinking day. So be a friend and carry a pin.

Glasses: Please don’t be a safety hazard.

Notebook: It is imperative to have a book full of your thoughts, ideas, and observations. You never know when you’ll have inspiration. Be prepared to write/sketch everything down - a poem, a ditty, a grand scheme to dominate Azusa, a blog idea, a picture of your FH (future husband), your latest idea for a spacecraft to take you to the planet you imagined up earlier, or the whereabouts of your professor crush (JERANDA).   

Camera: It would be a shame if you could not document the observation of a rare never before seen feline or human interaction.

Legit Pen: What good is a notebook without your favorite pen. Please, I beg of you, find the right pen. This is imperative. A lousy pen will only distract you from your mission.

Nail polish: We we we so excited. We we we looking good. Oh you fancy, huh? Doubles as glue.

Tissues: To wipe away your tears after witnessing a beautiful moment. Like a full double rainbow. What does this mean? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI)

Gum: Mmm nothing like a piece of peppermint Orbits to lighten your mood, ward off hunger, or help you make a friend.

Socks: Keep yo toes warm.

Sunflower seeds: A snack and entertainment all in one. Here’s the how-to: Climb a tree, use your swiss army knife to carve your name into it, write with your sharpie the secret code for your minions to decipher on their next mission, pull out the seeds, and chow down bra. Then spit the speeds at bystanders. A sure-fire way to have some fun.

High Protein Energy Bar: Do not go all hypoglycemic on yourself, how do you expect yourself to have the energy you need to run from giant dinos or a really mad neighbor without protein?

Flashlight: To light your path.

Mini Bible: If you forgot your flashlight.

If you can’t fit all this in your fanny, you need a new one. Just saying.

Even Chuck Norris has one!

Thank you Livi!  I think it’s about time to go shopping.  What do you keep in your fannypacks, readers?

Happy Tuesday!  Have some fun and go to the Library!

<3Aranda