How To: Date an APU-ty

Hello Friday,

Today we have the privilege of hearing from the wisest guy on campus!  He loves Jeopardy, socializing, movie making, and of course, cliff jumping.  If you ask him what he's good at, he'll be too humble to say anything, but we all know he's good at everything.  He's a legit rapper, and knows how to use Garageband.  Trust him!

How to date an APU-ty aka: An APU Beauty

By: Anonymous (That would be embarrassing!)

Hello, I am Nathan Froehlich and to start this off I have to first draw everyone’s attention to the fact that I was peacefully asked with blunt objects and sharp edges to write this “blog” and there will not be a law suit. When I finally came to the conclusion to write this I treated my wounds and began dissecting my past experiences with a tool known by some as memory. This entire  “How To…” is based entirely on success and fairy tale endings to ensure an experience of what Linda Howard defines in “Dream Man” as: Romance, specifically APU-mance. Here are a few easy steps to be swept off your feet and stolen into the arms of Love, or so that was the name the creepy man told me.

Step 1: Become a Christian. APU-tees have this new unheard of belief that is based off of ancient mythology and fairy tale magic that unfortunately you have to play along with to even be considered. Hint: (http://www.ehow.com/how_2284295_be-christian-man.html)

Step 2: Go to APU… Or at least fake it. Half of the female student body has already written out the words “When we met at APU…” on their pre-marital vows and the other half have thought about it. This also gives you the edge of familiarity and a topic to talk about, which by the way is the only topic they talk about.

Step 3: Become APU-tiful. Jersey Shore suggests GTL. I suggest Guitar, Talk, and Look like a man. You need all these in perfect unison to puzzle together the masterpiece they call APU-man. Most guys look like men but don’t know how to talk or play guitar. Others play guitar and talk but fail to take on the appearance of testosterone. When you find your triforce of these three attainable tasks then you will most certainly have an APU-ty just dangling off your now chiseled arm.

Side-note: I know talk and man appear to be a paradox, so let me clarify the word talk. Nod your head and say “yes” or “right” and when those don’t work just repeat their last sentence back as a question.

Step 4: Lunch Invite at the Cafeteria, Den, or Heritage so that your fellow hunters and gatherers will be aware of a caught (in love (Joke!)) prey. Meal-plan 1 : Your Wallet 0.

Step 5: Chapel Date. She imagines you have a soul and you get chapel credit.

Step 6: Get To Know Her: Start taking notes and memorizing “facts” so that when pop quizzes arise you can easily pass. When they said college is a lot of studying, this is what they meant!

Step 7: Marriage: Dating is for 18^th Century wusses! Ring by spring? Throw them a curve ball and ask in the fall.

So there you have it! 7 EASY steps to obtaining an APU-ty! 100% Guaranteed and tested by word of mouth and late night plagiarism. GOOD LUCK!

Thank you so much Anonymous-man!  

Have a joyful day everyone,

<3Aranda