How To: Write Poetry Good

Today's post is delightfully wonderful, so I've been saving it.  But I think it's time I publish this valuable information from the well-known Kyle Greenberg.

"My names Kyle, and this is how I write Poetry!" 

Poetry, a word who’s root is poet, which of course means a” person who writes poetry”, is a beautiful thing. 

Now I’ve been hearing reports of rumors suggesting that people are willingly signing up for instructional classes on how to write poetry. Shocking, I know. Poetry is an art, and yet, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking that some class will teach them how to have mastery over words. Wordsmiths like T.S Elliot, Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Rebecca Black, Emily Dickenson, and Walt Whitman were not created, they were born poets! But, if you listen to these following suggestions, we may yet be able to create a poet out of you!

1. Use unique color names. Red, blue, yellow=boring. Crimson, cobalt, chartreuse=hecka tight!
1. Ex) Red tears fall upon a blue floor

     or

           Crimson tears fall upon a cobalt floor

2. Forced rhymes are cool rhymes. If I’ve learned anything from pop culture, its that “there” can, and in fact, should be rhymed with any other word ending with an “r” sound.

1. Ex) There are care do not rhyme

    Or

                               I like you baby right thurr

                               We gonna party like we don’t curr

3. Puns are great. And fun. Have fun with puns.
4. Poems shouldn’t make sense. Or be about anything. Take the great Hawaiian poet, Jack Johnson, for example. Bubbly Toes is about nothing. It is an incoherent mess. And therefore, pure gold. Its still the best selling song off of his original poetry album. And that compilation had Sexi Plexi on it, so that’s saying a lot. Ya dig?
5. Girls (and boys too, I guess) like it when you write overly observant poems about them. So what if you have only interacted once or twice, and the majority of those interactions are on facebook. And are one sided. Because he or she never replies to your wall posts. Or messages. Or pokes. He or she will love that poem you wrote that correctly identifies his or her eye color, month of birth, beloved family pet, state of residence, hobby he or she no longer participates in, and his or her preferred cologne/perfume. Trust me. Some of the closest dates I have ever almost got were with girls I wrote super specific poems for.
6. Oh! And its even better when your poem for that special someone has this very specific form: You start the first line with the first letter in their name, and then every line after is the subsequent letter. Additionally, the first line has the exact number of syllables as the first number in their phone number, and then every line has the subsequent digit’s amount of syllables. The object of your overly observant infatuation will notice little details like that and love it!
1. Take my name and number for example)

(K-6) Karst terrain below me

(Y-3) Yep its thurr

(L-0)  ?

(E-7)  Everyone should now be shurr.

(G-4) Great flavescent (that means tan. Remember tip1?)

(R-3) Rocks; crackéd-

(E-1) Earth

(E-7) Effigies threaten me hurr.

(N-1) Now,

(B-1) Bow

(E-6) Every heart, and take your

(R-3) Rightful place

(G-0) ?

           

Snaps.

I'm speechless.  I couldn't have said it better Kyle!

<3Aranda

What you have to look forward to:

SUN----> I don't know yet

MON--->  Hmmm...I'm not really sure

TUES-->  We have a few options...

WED------->  Uhm...something funny.  maybe.

THURS------------------>  Just this post I'm working on.

FRI---->  This one's gonna be a good one.

SAT--------->  I'm not allowed to talk about it.