How To: Make Yourself Look Dateable. On Paper.

The Dating Portfolio

In response to the outpour of emails we got from some of the past posts, my Roomie and I thought it would be a good idea to explain an additional step to getting a boyfriend (in addition to being like Jen Horchler).  This step is known as the “Dating Portfolio” step, and here are the basics.

A Dating Portfolio consists of:

1) A Cover Sheet- A hot, but not “sexy”-PROFESSIONAL photo of yourself with your full name.

2) Table Of Contents-This is a table of the contents.

3) Introductions (Biography)- This is where you say everything important about you.  Number of siblings, if you get along with your parents, what time you wake up in the morning, if you wake up in the morning, your favorite type of Scooter…etc.

4) This is Where You Talk About Your Strict Dietary Needs- Example-  “I eat dessert before dinner”, “You have to feed me and pretend like the fork is an airplane flying into my mouth”, or "Vegetables are a definite no".

5) Exercise Info-How many hours you work out.  Example-“I can bench press the weight of all the students at APU combined” or, “I do the elliptical in my sleep.”  Exaggeration is preferred. (TIP-Add 45 minutes extra to your actual exercise routine…this gives you the number you write in your portfolio)

6) The Number and Names of Every Child You Want to Have- A family should be a calculated and planned event in a person's life.  (If your spouse in question doesn't want to have William and Jane and Sally and Bobby, then you're not compatible.)

7) This is Where You List All Your Favorite Restaurants-If you don’t like eating on dates, you can list coffee/FroYo places here as well.  Or if you only eat your mom's cooking, put that down.  

8) Life Goals - the person in pursuit needs to know exactly what they're doing with the rest of their life, so make sure you have them fill out a questionnaire. For example, "I want to feed elephants in an African wildlife preserve," or "graduate from an overly priced private christian school and sell vacuums for Sears."

9) Conclusion-Sum it all up with a quote from someone famous, and act like they said it to you personally.  Write something that makes you seem humble and perfect for the person you are trying to capture.

When you get all these papers organized (Typed, Double Spaced, Times New Roman font, Size 12), put them in a nice folder.  Bring the portfolio to our apartment, and we’ll bring it to the graphics center to get laminated and multiplied.  Make sure you have a clear idea of how many portfolios you’re going to want to hand out.  This is legitimate.  Love is serious business.

<3Your BFFs

*****N.F. ALERT---->  TWO NIGHTS AGO.  JEOPARDY AT LUKES HOUSE (TUES, WED @7pm).  WE SAT BY EACH OTHER.  HE SAID "HI".  TONIGHT.  HE SANG AT THE BOWLES COFFEEHOUSE EVENT.  I TOUCHED HIS GUITAR AS HE WALKED BY.  AM I IN LOVE?  YES.  WHO ISN'T.