Guest Blogger: Kyle Greenberg

I’m flying today, and I’m reminded of how lonely it is to fly. I’m surrounded by people, but I’m completely alone. And so are all of these people around me. Well, except for the group of 20 junior high field hockey players cackling at ungodly high pitch and volume across my gate. How do I know they are field hockey players? Simple, I asked. Well, actually I didn’t, but I like to pretend that they are. It is funnier that way. No offense to any field hockey playing viewers.

“How to Make New Friends on an Airplane”  By-Kyle Greenberg

1. Dress-up: No this is not my answer to everything, but it’s mostly my answer to most everything. There are hundreds of people in an airport. Probably 200 getting on your plane alone. How can you be expected to compete with all those other potential friends? Dressing up differentiates you from the everyday Joe Blow, or Sandra Blandra. Also, I have totally gotten free perks for wearing a suit when I fly (this is actually true…I really do dress up when I fly, and I have been offered first-class security several times. And overall, he airport staff treats me like an actual adult when I dress-up. You should try it some time). Dress-up and people will notice you. And noticing you is the first step of becoming your friend.
2. Become “that guy”: So your potential friends notice you, what now? Well, this is a little trick I like to call the “friend maker”. Board the plane and when the flight attendants start to do the rounds with the drink cart, yell out “first rounds on me!”. There are two options here. People will either think you are talking about buying them a round of alcohol, or they will think you made a clever joke about how you will pay for first round of soft-drinks that are free anyways. For the people in the first group, they will LOVE you. Everyone loves free alcohol. They will instantly become your friend, though it might come to a crashing end when at the end of the flight you inform the attendants that you will not actually be paying for the drinks, and they in turn make your new friends pay for their overpriced miniature drinks. For the second group, they have now noticed you and you have shown them that you are funny. On to the next step!
3. Pull out your computer, open a random program who’s primary function is editing (photoshop, logic, garageband, imovie, et cetera) and start frantically working on your most recent “project”. Make a lot disgruntled noises. This will attract attention. People will see that you are vigorously editing something and be interested. Then, all of a sudden, yell something along the lines of “its done!” or “I’ve finally got it!” or “that’s it. That’s it!”. When people ask, and they will, tell them that you work with some prominent member of the profession you pretend to work in. For instance, P Diddy has given you a lucrative chance to edit his up-and-coming single, and you finally just finished your perfect version. People will think you are rich, connected, rich, talented, and rich. A winning combination, and a for sure way to make new friends.

Thanks Kyle!!  I'll be trying these things this summer!

<3Aranda

~wisdomness of the day from Nik Koch: Going trick or treating on the highway dressed up in a deer costume is NOT a good idea.

*****N.F. ALERT- I lied last night.  I did see Nick Fanton yesterday!  I'm turning into a forgetful stalker.  This is not okay.

UPCOMING:

-------> How to write poetry good part 2

---->How to marry for the perfect offspring

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